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Ye Officiale "Too Much Spare Time" Website
The first series happened to contained 43 cartoons. The second and third series each just happened to consist of 18 comics! Spooky coincidence there. The total number of GCW comics made is 80, but on 79 of them have been shown here. The mysterious other comic, I've been saving for a rainy day, as it were.
23/08/01: "I'll Be Back..."
Well! GCW is going into its first hibernation period, out of which it shall emerge re-energised on the first anniversary of the day that I drew the first ever Noel & Leon cartoon - that date is Hallowe'en. We'll see.
GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD! STATISTICS!
All the GCW cartoons were drawn onto a total of 91 pages of A4 paper.
The average viewer of GCW takes one minute and five seconds to read a GCW cartoon. That means the average viewer who's read all the GCW cartoons has spent about 86 minutes on my website. In non-metric terms, that's enough time for you to shed almost two million particles of skin, and for 258 million cells to die in your body (they were probably brain-cells). And you could also use that time to cook 28-and-two-thirds microwaveable pies separately. Yummy! But you didn't think of that, now did you? FOOLS!
This gives a total area of about 5.7 square metres. So, in non-metric terms, all of the GCW cartoons ever drawn could be fitted onto the skin of one and half people!
If you laid all the GCW cartoons bottom-left corner to top-right corner, they would easily span a length of 12 metres! Non-metric equivalent: Two people's small intestines, ripped out of their torsos and stretched out fully! (M-mm! Now there's a vivid thought!)
The average time I spent on a single GCW cartoon (of variable number of pages, including the "Story" and excluding time spent maintaining this website) would've been 3.5 hours. Hoooooo-boy - that's a whopping 280 hours = 11 days and 16 hours = 1 and 2/3 weeks = $2100 worth of NZ minimum wage payment = about 14 years' worth of episodes of Shortland Street of my life that I've sacrificed for this. Yeah. In the time I've spent simply making these cartoons I've lost 168 MILLION particles of skin, 5.04 MILLION MILLION cells, and burned 2.4383-recurring kilojoules of energy! Yup, that's enough to power the lightbulb in my room for a whole 49 seconds, baby!
...But I digress...
Anyway, see y'all later, I'm off to do whatever it is that I used to do before GCW. Oooh, the light... the light... it burns... nooooo.....
19/08/01: I SUCKTM!!
Heh. I couldn't end on a musical finale, could I? What would the end of another series of GCW be without a cliffhanger?
Anyway, here's what I wrote earlier thismorning:
Hello, people. Let me tell you what I did today. First, I went into the university to finally scan the pages of GCW's infamous musical that has caused so much pain and suffering already. I scanned them. I took the scanned images home. At 1930hrs, I began colouring them in on my computer.
By 2340hrs they were all ready to be posted up on the net. Finally, that convoluted episode of GCW would be over and done with and then all I would have left to do is post the end-of-series cliffhanger one week later and then sit back and not do any more web-comics for a while. So I thought, there's no time like the present, I'll do it now. I put a disk (an Imation one, incidentally, but that's irrelevant) into my floppy drive, went to the DOS prompt and promptly deleted the majority of my day's work.
That's right, I typed "erase gcww*.gif", and destroyed the web-comics that I had been working on.
So why the heck did I do that? Because, of course, I am a ****ing DUMB-ASS! Why did my puny Earth-brain (no offense, fellow Earthlings) decide that typing "erase" would somehow magically back up my day's work onto the floppy disk? Because, simply I am a ***ing DUMB-ASS! I am so indescribably idiotic that I couldn't even "pour piss out of a boot if there were instructions on the heel", as it were. Yes, my absent-minded stupidity is just so monstrously overwhelming, that lesser stupidities come to worship at its feet.
I typed undel, undelete, oops, undo, not to mention a few other things that I was saying by that stage. But I can't say what they were - not even on this pro-freedom-of-expression website! There was much cursing, gnashing of teeth, tearing of hair, hyperventillation, nausea, etc etc etc.
So here I am, back at the university, starting all over again. This episode of GCW, "We're All Going To Hell", is truely the Satan of all comics. Not only is it the longest episode ever, but it is the one that has been created, destroyed and then re-created in every aspect. When I colour this in for the second time I will shudder as I remember how painfully long it took the first time. So if it's not quite as well done as most colour GCWs, please feel free to punch me in the teeth until you are satisfied. (Hey, I'll be doing exactly that!)
Heh. Well, now it's all done. Goodnight.
04/08/01: I'll Be Back...
Okeydokey, so this next GCW, the musical, is not only the spectacular finale of the third GCW series, but it's also going to be the last one you'll see for a few weeks. Dun-dun-dunnnn...!
What, you don't believe me?
Oh, I'll be back into it a few weeks later, rest assured. Now don't y'all go fussin' your pretty li'l head about that!
It's just that it's time of year where spare time grows scarce. Now let me explain:
There was once a grasshopper, and an ant. All summer long, the ant toiled day in, day out, making web-comics, while the grasshopper, being the lazy bum that he was, loafed around drinking cheap vodka and watching Cartoon Network. "Hey ant," jibed the grasshopper one day, "you've been diligently making web-comics all the time - you've got so many, there's too many for people to read, even if they were reading one every week! You work WAY-HEY-HEY too hard!"
The ant merely continued on with his work.
The next day, it was Winter. The grasshopper, having no web-comics, woke up that morning with his antennae frozen off. "Yo, ant!" he yelled, banging on the door of the anthill, "how's about giving me some web-comics?"
"Up yours," retorted the ant, "you should've been making more comics so that when you ran out of time to draw them, you'd have spare ones!" And the ant and all his ant-buddies in the colony laughed and laughed.
"Aw, dang!" grumbled the grasshopper. And away he hopped, off down the road, until he met a man carrying an armful of straw. "Hey mister," asked the grasshopper in a feeble voice, making his eyes brim with crocodile tears, "can you spare a web-comic for a freezing grasshopper?"
"Don't call me 'mister'," retorted the man, who was actually Helen Clarke, the prime minister of New Zealand. "But if you're freezing to death 'cause you've got no web-comics, we can always tax the ants, so that they can give you some to stop you from freezing to death."
"Hot-diggedy-dog!" cried the grasshopper. And so, the ant was forced to give up 40% of his web-comics to support the grasshopper. As a result, the ant could not support his colony, so they had to move out of the anthill and live on the street. One day, the grasshopper and his mates zoomed past in their Holden, all nice and warm with web-comics. "Aw," commented one of grasshopper's mates, who was a cricket. "Look at that, those ants, freezing to death in the cold. It's such a shame, really. And to think about how hard they worked all Summer."
"Ah, don't give that greedy little ant any pity," yawned the grasshopper dismissively, remembering how the ant initially refused to give him any web-comics. "It's his own damn fault for having do many kids." Then the grasshopper and his mates laughed cruelly and drove away.
And the moral of the story is, I'm not drawing any more web-comics for a few weeks. Well, actually, there is no moral, but I'm still not drawing any.
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