Me before it's too late!
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14/12/01: The "I'm" Special! (Because I AM Special.)
As you know, I had a crumpet craving the other night at 1 in the morning, so I went ot get some for the local 24hr supermarket. Alas, alack, when I got there the aisle with the crumpets was cordoned off for the sweepers to clean the floor! I was so disappointed that while everybody else was no doubt enjoying their crumpets the next day, I was sitting at home, saying "bah, humbug." But then, I was visited by the Ghost of Crumpets Past. He took me on a magical journey back in time where I leanred how crumpets were invented:
Bartholomew Crump, a maker of sponges, accidentally tipped flour, salt, raising agents (450, 500) and preservatives (202, 234, 260) into his sponge-making machine, (but with no yeast) and then, lo and behold, the first crumpets were born! And all that gunk he'd tipped into his machine just sat in the machine and went glaggy. In fact I don't know what the significance of that stuff was, since the birth of crumpets was happening next door at the genetic engineering lab of his brother, Frederick Crump. Ah well.
The Ghost of Crumpets Present then showed me the myriad uses for crumpets in the modern age: Clothing! Fire suppressants! Mousepads! Toilet fresheners! Toupees! Frisbees! Buoyancy devices! And many, many more. But I digress. So, after being administered a spanking by the Ghost of Crumpets Yet To Come, I experienced a crumpettal epiphany, renounced my wicked anti-crumpet ways and cried, "Merry Crumpets, everyone" and had Tiny Jim for Crumpets Dinner. I mean I had Crumpets Dinner WITH Tiny Jim. (Yeesh!)
Well, gotta go. I'm shooting a short film about Timaru today. (Yes, a VERY short film, obviously.)
15/12/01: Okay, maybe I'm not filming it this year then. Didn't make it down to Timmers in time for any decent sunlight.
Oh and by the way, just because KFC is evil, it doesn't mean that Macca's is holy and righteous. They're both equally evil.
"Eat Your Fingers Off" - Kentucky Fried Chicken's "Finger Lickin' Good" as originally translated into Chinese