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16/12/01: The "Report of the Ad Hoc Panel on Man-in-Space" Special!

All secrets are revealed! ...OR ARE THEY???

Click here for red hot saucy shots of me drawing the above cartoon!

Boy am I ever finding it more and more difficult to come up with convincing excuses for having a special.

However, I have hit upon a cheesy yet novel (for me) way of getting a weak but slap-funny plot fix: Introduce a superhero! Yes, if a main character has just died, then - this looks like a job for.... Resurrection-Man! Or if the world has been destroyed - no task is too big for... Captain Un-Destroy! Or if you've dropped a glass and broken it beyond repair - never fear, Rewind-Time-Woman is here! Good old specific-task superheroes. Comic books would be ever-so-dull without 'em.
But then you have to come up with sidekicks for half of them - y'know, Resurrection-Man AND Wakeup Boy, Captain Un-Destroy AND Private Mend, Rewind-Time-Woman AND Predict-The-Past-Squirrel, etc, etc. Lame-asses!

And speaking of lame asses - Space Ghost. Oh, the joys of pre-Flintstonian Hanna-Barbera "cult animation". Space Ghost (and Birdman, et al) was like a TV adaptation of those mid-twentieth century comic-book-style superheroics that were riddled with cheesy gag villains from outer space and cheesily-themed superheroes who had a penchant for muttering little commentaries to themselves to aid the readers' interpretation of the storyline. I watched two episodes of Space Ghost late one night. Oh boy, I hadn't laughed so hard in years.
Okay. The first episode was a dramatic series finale of sorts, with all of Space Ghost's arch-rivals conspiring together in a hilarious union cornily dubbed "The Council of Evil". Spacey then managed to foil each of their security systems with the simple press of a button, smiting each challenge with some specifically-designed gadget. "I'll use my force field-ray to smash through their force field." Bling bling bling bling.
"I'll use my robot-blaster-ray to blast their robots." Bling bling bling bling.
"Hmmm, a door. I'll use my door-opening ray to open it." Bling bling bling bling.
And who should be on the other side of this door, but all of Spacey's mates from the Council of Evil - all sitting around, chortling evilly and waiting for him to unexpectedly join them.
"Hmmm, my butt is itchy. I'll just use my inter-buttock-cleft-O-scratch ray." Bling bling bling bling.
Well, the baddies tried to blow up the planet they were on by dropping a big rock into the planet's core. Fortunately, Space Ghost, with the well-timed assistance of his technologically-endowed and campily-costumed companions, managed to escape, leaving the Council of Evil to get destroyed in the explosion of the planet. But what really made me I laugh my socks off was Spacey's gritty final words: "It was their own creation which was their downfall." You had to be there.
The next episode was about our hero and his two kids landing on planet Jupiter and killing a lava monster by freezing it. From this episode I learned many important things about the planet Jupiter:

1: Jupiter is a terrestrial planet, of comparable gravity to Earth, but with a landscape reminiscent of the moon.
2: Jupiter's atmosphere is not only of the same atmospheric pressure as Earth's, but it is also identical in chemical composition and fully breathable by humans.
3: The lava-creatures of Jupiter must be destroyed because they are scary. The way to destroy them is to use your Freeze-RayTM, since the last thing a Jupiterian expects is to get cold.
4: The shrieking monkey sidekick of Space Ghost is USELESS and should be MAROONED on Jupiter. Seriously, this cartoon is so unintentionally funny that comic relief characters are redundant.

Today's Quote:
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

(And I choose to interpret that question rhetorically, with respect to this week's cartoon.)

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