(SOLO) CHORUS 1: [In the style of a Bond Villain song, complete with a trippy, kaleidescopic animation of beer, etc.]

Daryl... Vice-Chancellor Daryl Le Grinch...
He’s the man, the man with money to burn
He takes all the money that students can earn
As he raises our fees - but soon he’s...
Gonna learn...
That money from students is not something that one should pinch;
He’s Daryl, Vice-Chancellor Daryl,
Daryl Le Grinch.

VO: Down at Canterbury Uni’, there burned a bright light -
In the Registry, someone was still up, that night.
His eyes - how they squinted! His cheeks - they were saggy!
And he shook when he laughed, ‘cause his gut was so flabby.
What a round, bulbous nose, like a treasure-troll’s snout
And it even had tufts of green hair poking out.
His mouth wasn’t so much a "grin" as a "pinch"
Which is why he’s noneother than Daryl Le Grinch!

And why was Le Grinch still awake at this hour?
Because as Vice-Chancellor, he had the power
To increase, on a whim, university fees -
A cruel act, which would make students sink to their knees.

But the thing that was keeping Le Grinch up, that night
Was the fact that these students were willing to fight.
So he pondered the problem of crushing their spirit
‘Til at length he announced, "I know just how to do it!"
For tomorrow, he knew, was an unusual day -
The ENSOC barbecue would be well underway.
The fun-seeking students would soon all be there -
But the vital component was gallons of beer!
So that was the crux of Le Grinch’s grand plot -
There would be no more ENSOC, if beer there was not.
And by midnight, his scheme had been cunningly planned:
"Tonight, I shall steal all the beer in the land!"

After donning a suit for the cold winter’s night,
Le Grinch went to the roof and prepared for his flight.
His sleigh was all ready to fly and equipped
To ensure that of beer, Christchurch soon would be stripped.
"On rockets, on sonar, on radar detector,
On Vaccuum-O-matic^TM, that great beer-collector!"
He exclaimed as they flew up and off out of sight,
"And if you enjoy ENSOC, my ass you can bite!"

CHORUS 2:
Daryl... Vice-Chancellor Daryl Le Grinch
He’s the man, the man with the evil plan

He’ll steal all of Canterbury’s beer - every can,
Every bottle and jug, keg and mug...
That he can...
Such a task for the master of evil would just be a cynch;
‘Cause he’s Daryl, Daryl Le Grinch.

VO: Le Grinch’s first target was College House, which
Contained many a beer-can in many a fridge.
And so, with the stealth of a male ballerina
He sucked up the beer with his huge vaccuum-cleaner.
Once the College House booze was all stored in the sleigh,
He returned to the craft and was off on his way.
With a "Dash away, dash away, dash away, all!"
He prepared to steal ENSOC from R&R Hall.

Soon the halls were drained dry of the devil’s own brew
And Le Grinch hit the houses and liquor stores, too.
But he had to keep all of his visits quite short
Since alarms were set off and he nearly got caught!

So Christchurch’s beer reserves quickly dimished
And by four A.M. the task nearly was finished.

But at one flat in Bryndwr, Le Grinch received quite a
Surprise - a lone student had pulled an all-nighter!

"A burglar!" the student exclaimed, with much fear.
"I’m the spirit of ENSOC - C’mon, have a beer,"
Urged Le Grinch, as he offered the student a can.
"I don’t drink alcohol," snapped the prudent young man.
"But all work and no play," Le Grinch whined, "makes Jack dull!
Student life should revolve around drinking. Now skull!"
So the student conceded - then fell, comatose
As Le Grinch laughed and then up the chimney he rose.

At the end of the night, with a sack full of beer,
Le Grinch landed the sleigh with a satisfied sneer.
The mission accomplished, Christchurch had been drained
Of the drink that for all ENSOC’s years had remained.

No more Tui, or DB, no more Lion Red,
No more Mac’s, Speight’s or Heineken - ENSOC was dead.
Yes, Christchurch had lost all its Canterbury Draught -
Le Grinch threw back his head and he laughed and he laughed.

The End

...of act one! And now for act two.

VO: When the students arose from their beds on the morn’,
The news they were met with made them all forlorn.
Their fridges no longer held bitter or stout,
All their beer supplies had been completely poured out.
Any proof that beer had ever been there before
Were old cans, kegs and bottles, which littered the floor.
So the students of Canterbury sobbed with great dread:
"Without any beer, ENSOC surely is DEAD!"

In the Registry, Daryl Le Grinch smiled smugly -
His sinister grin made him even more ugly.
He stared eagerly down from his sixth-floor crest
To the students, who milled around, deeply depressed.
So he sat in his office and smugly observed them,
‘Til he soon heard a sound which completely unnerved him.
But what could it be? Surely something was wrong?
For why were the students united in song?

Tacet
CHORUS 3: The "Crusaders" hymn, hummed.

VO: Racing out to the students, Le Grinch then demanded
To know why they sang if their beer had been plundered.
A young man responded, "Le Grinch, you were right,
What you told me of grog-swilling students, last night."

Le Grinch saw, ‘twas indeed the lone student he’d seen
(Though whom now appeared kind of hung-over and green)
"But to have fun in ENSOC," said he, "we need not
Guzzle beer, ‘cause instead, man, we’re all high on pot!

[The STUDENT inhales a deep breath of his hash-pipe and puffs an enormous cloud into DARYL's face. Everything fades to black around the coughing DARYL. When he awakens, he is back in the days when everything was black-and-white! Some students, oblivious to him, are drinking in the background. The GHOST OF ENSOC PAST appears!]

GOEPAST [To the Crusaders tune]: This is ENSOC, over a hundred years ago
And I am the ghost of ENSOC Past;
Witness the birth of that mighty legacy,
Of the drunk, the wild and the lazy-assed...

[Fade to the same scene, but with orange-tinted filter over the camera lens. GOEPAST is replaced by the GHOST OF ENSOC PRESENT.]

GOEPRESENT: Now, I am the ghost of ENSOC Present,
And this is ENSOC, here today.
It keeps the students calm and preoccupied;
Woe to you, if you take this all away.

[Fade again to green filter. The GHOST OF ENSOC YET-TO-COME emerges from the gloom, laughing ominously...]

CHOIR: Ahhhhhhh! It's the Gost of ENSOC Yet-To-Come!
GOEYTC: Daryl Le Grinch, you foolish tyrant, you!
Destroying ENSOC was not wise.
For this has made the students mad enough
To bring about your cruel demise!
DARYL: My cruel demise?
GOEYTC: Your cruel demise! [Gestures to a student relieving himself on DARYL's tombstone]


DARYL: No! Say it is not So!
GOEYTC: Your cruel deeeee-Miiiise... Moohoohoohoohahahah...

[As the GOEYTC laughs echoingly, darkness folds in. A chime tolls out of the darkness. Suddenly the hallucinatory dope-trip ends. DARYL is back outside the registry, with the crowd of students standing before him. A dramatic circular pan behind him takes in DARYL's field of vision. A flurry of strings and a growing cymbal wash followed by the major-key bit frm the Crusaders' Hymn suggest DARYL's enlightenment. This is a very moving moment, in case you need it shoved down your throat any more.]

VO: Le Grinch, in that moment, at last understood
That his scheme to destroy student fun was no good.

And he sank to his knees as it all became clear
That the spirit of ENSOC goes far beyond beer.
That the beer is a symbol of good times and fun
And without it, ENSOC would still not be undone.
Climbing up to his sleigh, he ripped open the sack.
"Happy ENSOC," he cried, as the beer all spilled back.

The stoned students all revelled and hooted and cheered
As they all were torrentially, instantly beered.
In the mixture of beers of all labels, they wallowed
Until the majority of it was swallowed.

Le Grinch was then given an ENSOC-day toast
As the ENSOC-heads carried their beer-bringing host.
And soon they were merrily all off their faces...

...And Le Grinch, himself, won all the powerchuck races!

[Ending credits sequence]

CHORUS 4: Daryl, Vice-Chancellor Daryl Le Grinch
He’s the man, the man whose evil ploy


Was nothing at all but a bid to annoy
All the students. It failed! Now they’ll enjoy
The spirit of students and everything they can deploy.


He’s the man who can manage finances whilst having an alcohol binge
He’s Daryl, Vice-Chancellor Daryl, Professor Daryl, Emperor Daryl, Old Uncle Daryl...


Daryl... Le Griiiiiiiiinnnnnn...chaaaaaaaah!