[Song: "The Sound Of ENSOC" - lyrics by Andrew Kepple, altered by Richard Millard]
The halls are alive, with the sound of ENSOC
My head is swimming, with too much beer...
The halls are alive... with the sound of ENSOC...
[Fade to title screen.]
Scene I:
Mark is lying on the floor of his hall.
VOICE OF HALL-MASTER: MARK! Wake up! Oi! It appears that once again, your inebriated exertions have resulted in property damage to our hall of residence!
Now, here
- at Bishop Julius Hall - we pride ourselvess on the well-mannered and non-troublemaking nature of each and every resident. YOU, on the other hand, are a RIGHT PAIN IN THE BOTTOM!
You can get out of this hall right now. Go on, you're out!
MARK: Wha-? What am I gonna do? No landlord will take a beer-swilling, vandalising ENSOC-head like myself! Where am I gonna go?
Cut to outside Rochester & Rutherford Hall
MARK: Ah yes! Rochester & Rutherford Hall. Heh-heh-heh!
Cut to just outside Mark's new room.
Lisa knocks on the door. Mark answers.
LISA: Hi, we just thought we'd welcome you to our floor. I'm Lisa.
FRED: I'm Fred, and I'm impossible.
AMANDA: I'm Amanda and I'll be your next-door neighbour.
STEVE: I'm Steve, would you believe?
KATH: I'm Kath; beware my wrath!
BRIDGET: I'm Bridget.
SARAH: Hey, I'm Sarah!
MARK: Hey; I'm Mark. I was kicked out of B.J. Hall for, ah, too much drinking... uh, the ENSOC party.
LISA: What's N-Sock?
MARK (facing camera, news-presenter style): ENSOC is by far the oldest and most famous society at the university of Canterbury. ENSOC brings to you such fun and revelling, such as the Chunder Mile, the Undie 500 and, of course, the barbecues.
[Turning to others] Barbecues consiste of swilling gallons of beer and getting coma'd!
STEVE: Oh, we don't drink.
KATH: We don't even know HOW to drink!
Everyone collapses into a drunken, laughing heap.
I.R.A. bombers and K.L.A. snipers
Poisonous pythons and venomous vipers
Kicking my minions and goons up the chuff [he kicks the cameraman - Ow!]
This is a bunch of my favourite stuff...
When the sun shines, and the birds sing
And I'm feeling swell,
I simply remember my favourite things
And everything goes to "hell"!
Staging weird killing rounds over at uni
Evil cults like the First Church Of Christ, Looney
Elmo in bondage and "Yes, master Troy"
These are a few of the things I enjoy!
Wearing dark trenchcoats and frightening people
KAOS-dot-org-dot-N-Z and the Meme Pool
When the dog bites and when the bee stings
These are a few of my favourite things!
When the sun shines, and the birds sing
All the world's happy and gay
I simply load up my big water pistol
And blow them all... awaaaayyy!!!!
Okay. Now that the main characters have all been introduced, it's time to have a bit of plot development.
[Song: "Cannabis" (to the tune of "Edelweiss") - Lyrics by Andrew Kepple]
MARK (holding a "joint"): Cannabis, cannabis, you look happy to greet me
Small and green, bright and clean, you look happy to meet me.
Leaves of dak, may you dry and burn...
As Mark sings to his not-too-sober audience, Jester, appalled, slinks out the door...
JESTER (talking into his cellphone): Ah, hello? Police please. Yes I'd like to report some deliquent goings-on at Rochester & Rutherford Hall: Drug abuse, roadsign-stealing, bestiality-
MARK: Hey - what's going on here? [grabbing the cellphone and reading the display.] Sh*t!
Mark rushes back into his room.
JESTER: Ha-ha! The Dictator's coming!
MARK: Guys guys, stall it! KAOS is after us - and the cops!
ENSOC-HEADS: Oh no, what're we gonna do? We must away!
(They 'away'.)
Cut to the carpark outside R&R Hall. The KAOSmobile screeches to a halt and the Dictator and Jester leap out, just as Mark bursts out the door of the hall of residence.
MARK: Too late!
DICTATOR: Ha-HA!
The Dictator and Jester proceed to shoot Mark with their waterpistols. Mark falls down, dead.
AMANDA: Get up! It's just water! KAOS don't use real bullets!
MARK (sitting up): That's right - There Is No Spoon! HWAHHHHH!!!!
Mark does the whacky flying ninja thing - a big Matrix rip-off.
Camera moves around onto the other side of him.
There is an anticlimactic silence.
MARK: Maybe we should run away.
They run away.
MARK: To the Undie-500-Mobile!
DICTATOR: So, it's a car-chase they want! To the KAOSmobile!
Richard Millard as Mark
Jeff Clark as Dictator Troy
The R&R HAll-Dwellers:
M@tt "SAK" Powell as Jester (ie, himself)
Keenie, Cat & Treeza as KAOS Minions
Crew:
Script, Camera, Props, Music, Editor, Director: Andrew Kepple. (Apologies to KAOS)
Karen as Lisa
Dan Allen as Fred
Serena Sii as Amanda ("The girl who drinks the beer")
Dan Lilley as Steve
Zarine Mohamed as Kath
Susan Kepple as Bridget
Kate Burson as Sarah
Susannah Donovan as The Cop
Michael Marshall as Ray
And the voice of Andrew Kepple as the BJ Hall-Master (Not pictured)
Colour Printing: Nicholas Murray
Cue Cards: Susannah Donovan
VRC: Alan O'Neil
Thanx to EVERYONE who took part in this film - you rock!
Interesting Notes:
* The Dictator didn't actually receive a cavity search from the cop; Susannah never managed to pull the latex gloves on. Hurrah for the audience's twisted imagination! (Not that he WOULD have gotten a cavity search even if she HAD got the gloves on, of course!)
* The duration of the entire filming session was a mere two hours. During this time, Susan had to sneak off to a lecture, which is why you won't find her in any scenes after the Dictator's song.
* The editing of the film, on the other hand, took more than twice as long as the filming.
* The amount of money spent on making this film was $9.55. Most of this was due to printing costs, since the colour printer in the engineering department (courtesy of Nick - an authentic engineer) kept on stuffing up...
* Richard Millard is an ex-engineering student who enjoys swilling gallons of beer and getting coma'd!
* Serena Sii went on to become a member of the Student Executive Committee for 2001.
* Jeff Clark went on to become an accomplished comedian and TV personality. Oh wait, he already was beforehand...
* Karen went on to become an honorary member of KAOS.
* During "My Favourite Things", it isn't Jester that Dicator Troy keeps glancing towards; he's looking at the cue cards.
* This script is very different to the one on paper. There was much improvising. Karen, Matt, Susannah, and Andrew went on to perform in Dramasoc's "That Improv Show", starting that very night.
* During the orgy at the end of "Dough Ray Me Beer", look at the vandalised Scarfies poster in the background. An example of Canterbury patriotism at its best. (Yeah, I KNOW that the apostrophe shouldn't be there, but I'm being con'si'stent with "Flatmate's Planning Murder", idiot's!)
* The actor for the part of "Ray" didn't turn up. So we grabbed some random bystander (Michael) to play that part. The KAOS Minions were also random bystanders and actual KAOS members.
* KAOS's Dictator Troy is a real person. His resemblance to Jeff Clark with duct tape on his face is, however, purely coincidental.
Troy
Jeff
See?
* Jeff nearly died when the duct-tape was removed from his face. He is now recovering in hospital and looks like the amazing computerised exfoliating Robbie Williams.
* No beer-cans were harmed in the making of this film. The SPCAC (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aluminium Cans) cracked down on me after "Canned Slaughter".
What pleases me: The way that the Dictator sinks into a mencaing silhouette on the line "To the KAOSmobile!" The way that the No Parking sign was hidden from view by the cop. The amazing amount of cooperation and encouragement from everyone involved (and some who weren't). The break in the week-long rainy weather. The fact that you have taken the time to visit this website. G'donya.
