(SOLO) CHORUS 1: [In the style of a Bond Villain song, complete with a trippy, kaleidescopic animation of beer, etc.]
Daryl... Vice-Chancellor Daryl Le Grinch...
He’s the man, the man with money to burn
He takes all the money that students can earn
As he raises our fees - but soon he’s...
That money from students is not something that one should pinch;
He’s Daryl, Vice-Chancellor Daryl,
Daryl Le Grinch.
VO: Down at Canterbury Uni’, there burned a bright light -
In the Registry, someone was still up, that night.
His eyes - how they squinted! His cheeks - they were saggy!
And he shook when he laughed, ‘cause his gut was so flabby.
What a round, bulbous nose, like a treasure-troll’s snout
And it even had tufts of green hair poking out.
His mouth wasn’t so much a "grin" as a "pinch"
Which is why he’s noneother than Daryl Le Grinch!
And why was Le Grinch still awake at this hour?
Because as Vice-Chancellor, he had the power
To increase, on a whim, university fees -
A cruel act, which would make students sink to their knees.
But the thing that was keeping Le Grinch up, that night
Was the fact that these students were willing to fight.
So he pondered the problem of crushing their spirit
‘Til at length he announced, "I know just how to do it!"
For tomorrow, he knew, was an unusual day -
The ENSOC barbecue would be well underway.
The fun-seeking students would soon all be there -
But the vital component was gallons of beer!
So that was the crux of Le Grinch’s grand plot -
There would be no more ENSOC, if beer there was not.
And by midnight, his scheme had been cunningly planned:
"Tonight, I shall steal all the beer in the land!"
After donning a suit for the cold winter’s night,
Le Grinch went to the roof and prepared for his flight.
His sleigh was all ready to fly and equipped
To ensure that of beer, Christchurch soon would be stripped.
"On rockets, on sonar, on radar detector,
On Vaccuum-O-maticTM, that great beer-collector!"
He exclaimed as they flew up and off out of sight,
"And if you enjoy ENSOC, my ass you can bite!"
Daryl... Vice-Chancellor Daryl Le Grinch
He’s the man, the man with the evil plan
He’ll steal all of Canterbury’s beer - every can,
Every bottle and jug, keg and mug...
That he can...
Such a task for the master of evil would just be a cynch;
‘Cause he’s Daryl, Daryl Le Grinch.
VO: Le Grinch’s first target was College House, which
Contained many a beer-can in many a fridge.
And so, with the stealth of a male ballerina
He sucked up the beer with his huge vaccuum-cleaner.
Once the College House booze was all stored in the sleigh,
He returned to the craft and was off on his way.
With a "Dash away, dash away, dash away, all!"
He prepared to steal ENSOC from R&R Hall.
Soon the halls were drained dry of the devil’s own brew
And Le Grinch hit the houses and liquor stores, too.
But he had to keep all of his visits quite short
Since alarms were set off and he nearly got caught!
So Christchurch’s beer reserves quickly dimished
And by four A.M. the task nearly was finished.
But at one flat in Bryndwr, Le Grinch received quite a
Surprise - a lone student had pulled an all-nighter!
"A burglar!" the student exclaimed, with much fear.
"I’m the spirit of ENSOC - C’mon, have a beer,"
Urged Le Grinch, as he offered the student a can.
"I don’t drink alcohol," snapped the prudent young man.
"But all work and no play," Le Grinch whined, "makes Jack dull!
Student life should revolve around drinking. Now skull!"
So the student conceded - then fell, comatose
As Le Grinch laughed and then up the chimney he rose.
At the end of the night, with a sack full of beer,
Le Grinch landed the sleigh with a satisfied sneer.
The mission accomplished, Christchurch had been drained
Of the drink that for all ENSOC’s years had remained.
No more Tui, or DB, no more Lion Red,
No more Mac’s, Speight’s or Heineken - ENSOC was dead.
Yes, Christchurch had lost all its Canterbury Draught -
Le Grinch threw back his head and he laughed and he laughed.
The End ...of act one! And now for act two.
...of act one! And now for act two.
VO: When the students arose from their beds on the morn’,
The news they were met with made them all forlorn.
Their fridges no longer held bitter or stout,
All their beer supplies had been completely poured out.
Any proof that beer had ever been there before
Were old cans, kegs and bottles, which littered the floor.
So the students of Canterbury sobbed with great dread:
"Without any beer, ENSOC surely is DEAD!"
In the Registry, Daryl Le Grinch smiled smugly -
His sinister grin made him even more ugly.
He stared eagerly down from his sixth-floor crest
To the students, who milled around, deeply depressed.
So he sat in his office and smugly observed them,
‘Til he soon heard a sound which completely unnerved him.
But what could it be? Surely something was wrong?
For why were the students united in song?
CHORUS 3: The "Crusaders" hymn, hummed.
VO: Racing out to the students, Le Grinch then demanded
To know why they sang if their beer had been plundered.
A young man responded, "Le Grinch, you were right,
What you told me of grog-swilling students, last night."
Le Grinch saw, ‘twas indeed the lone student he’d seen
(Though whom now appeared kind of hung-over and green)
"But to have fun in ENSOC," said he, "we need not
Guzzle beer, ‘cause instead, man, we’re all high on pot!
[The STUDENT inhales a deep breath of his hash-pipe and puffs an enormous cloud into DARYL's face. Everything fades to black around the coughing DARYL. When he awakens, he is back in the days when everything was black-and-white! Some students, oblivious to him, are drinking in the background. The GHOST OF ENSOC PAST appears!]
GOEPAST [To the Crusaders tune]: This is ENSOC, over a hundred years ago
And I am the ghost of ENSOC Past;
Witness the birth of that mighty legacy,
Of the drunk, the wild and the lazy-assed...
[Fade to the same scene, but with orange-tinted filter over the camera lens. GOEPAST is replaced by the GHOST OF ENSOC PRESENT.]
GOEPRESENT: Now, I am the ghost of ENSOC Present,
And this is ENSOC, here today.
It keeps the students calm and preoccupied;
Woe to you, if you take this all away.
[Fade again to green filter. The GHOST OF ENSOC YET-TO-COME emerges from the gloom, laughing ominously...]
CHOIR: Ahhhhhhh! It's the Gost of ENSOC Yet-To-Come!
GOEYTC: Daryl Le Grinch, you foolish tyrant, you!
Destroying ENSOC was not wise.
For this has made the students mad enough
To bring about your cruel demise!
DARYL: My cruel demise?
GOEYTC: Your cruel demise! [Gestures to a student relieving himself on DARYL's tombstone]
DARYL: No! Say it is not So!
GOEYTC: Your cruel deeeee-Miiiise... Moohoohoohoohahahah...
[As the GOEYTC laughs echoingly, darkness folds in. A chime tolls out of the darkness. Suddenly the hallucinatory dope-trip ends. DARYL is back outside the registry, with the crowd of students standing before him. A dramatic circular pan behind him takes in DARYL's field of vision. A flurry of strings and a growing cymbal wash followed by the major-key bit frm the Crusaders' Hymn suggest DARYL's enlightenment. This is a very moving moment, in case you need it shoved down your throat any more.]
That his scheme to destroy student fun was no good.
And he sank to his knees as it all became clear
That the spirit of ENSOC goes far beyond beer.
That the beer is a symbol of good times and fun
And without it, ENSOC would still not be undone.
Climbing up to his sleigh, he ripped open the sack.
"Happy ENSOC," he cried, as the beer all spilled back.
VO:Le Grinch, in that moment, at last understood
The stoned students all revelled and hooted and cheered
As they all were torrentially, instantly beered.
In the mixture of beers of all labels, they wallowed
Until the majority of it was swallowed.
Le Grinch was then given an ENSOC-day toast
As the ENSOC-heads carried their beer-bringing host.
And soon they were merrily all off their faces...
...And Le Grinch, himself, won all the powerchuck races!
[Ending credits sequence]
He’s the man, the man whose evil ploy
Was nothing at all but a bid to annoy
All the students. It failed! Now they’ll enjoy
The spirit of students and everything they can deploy.
He’s the man who can manage finances whilst having an alcohol binge
He’s Daryl, Vice-Chancellor Daryl, Professor Daryl, Emperor Daryl, Old Uncle Daryl...
Daryl... Le Griiiiiiiiinnnnnn...chaaaaaaaah!
- People who participated in the "crowd" scene. A crowd of eight people is still more than 10% larger than a crowd of seven.
- The rubberneckers who came along and joined the crowd! "Good on you... (echo echo...)"
- All the people who never gave me their names to go in the credits!
- UCSA Vice President Richard Neal, for spelling his surname incorrectly.
- Andrew Calder, for making him get out of bed at (ahem) quarter to eleven in the morning ... for filming. (You will be pleased to know that although he is still recovering, he is making excellent progress and will be out of hospital for Christmas.
- Erin Oakley, who originally helped with the "driving away" scene, which we had to film again when the first actor for the part of "stoner student" became unavailable for the second act. (Doing a Bela Lugosi was NOT something I wanted for this film - it's difficult to blow smoke in somebody's face when you've got a vampire cape concealing your features.) So in the second try, Tim had to drive away with the mask strapped to his head. Hence his credit of "Stunt Driver".
- All those people who I kept ringing up and/or e-mail spamming about the "crowd" (ha ha) scene.
- The sunrise. I got up at 5:15am and biked from Sockburn to New Brighton to get a measly 10 seconds' worth of sunrise footage. After getting lost in the New Brighton area, I finally found the Christchurch Pier at 6:50, ten minutes before the sun came up. NOTE: Had you arisen as early as I did you would have got great view of Venus, Saturn and Jupiter coming up in the East.
- The "beer" spilling back out of the registry. We poured a bottle of water in front of the camera and it worked much better than I'd hoped.
- The cheesy "Evil Plan" computer animation. Just goes to show, all you need is a simple frame-by-frame animation program and you can stick your camera up to the monitor for amazing, imitation professional-quality effects!
- Dan and Kate sobbing over their plundered beer supplies. Probably the funniest scene in the whole thing.
- The PowerchuckTM. This was achieved by cutting a "mouth hole" in the DLG mask and positioning Andrew's "Big Bertha" KAOS water pistol behind it. Now THAT'S a Powerchuck!
- The improvement in quality from "The Sound Of ENSOC". After making ENSOC II I watched ENSOC I and WOW, WAS IT CRAP!
- The shaky camera. If the cameraman could be said to have been drunk during the filming of ENSOC I, the he must have had a hangover for this film!
- The fact that it didn't even get screened at the Ed Wood Film Festival. To add insult to insult, it won the "Clean Up Your Act" consolation prize and was politely ignored. This pissed off quite a few people who were in it and still are yet to watch it. But I won't rant on about this...
REALLY Boring Bits:
- The opening bit that stars the REAL Vice Chancellor, Daryl Le Grew, and Richard Neal, is actual footage that I took from a student rally earlier this year just in case it came in handy. (Actually I was hoping for a bit of registry-storming action, but there was none.)
- Le Grinch is obviously a parody of Christmas stories, in particular The Night Before Christmas and How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I haven't actually read these poems since I was 10 or younger, but I vaguely remember how the Grinch storyline went.
- Before I realised that this was going to be a musical, I wrote the verses for How Le Grinch Stole ENSOC around Christmas 2000, shortly after I had seen Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas", a Danny Elfman musical. Oddly enough, before singing the choruses, Erin commented that my music for Le Grinch sounded somewhat "Danny Elfman". Spooky. But I suppose it makes sense, since my two favourite movies of all time just happen to be Burton/Elfman ones... (don't ask)
- The TMST film "Daryl Le Grew", was a music video to the tune of "Only You" about Daryl Le Grew committing acts of evil. I accidentally taped over my only edited copy of it earlier this year! Bugger, eh?
- Dan and Kate are the only people in this film who were also students in ENSOC I. This film wasn't intended to be a sequel (or a double sequel, for that matter), I just decided to make it one to give me an excuse to make more ENSOC films as part of a series.
- Of course The Sound of ENSOC will be a trilogy. I'm not too good with bossing real people around, so ENSOC III (2002) will be 100% animated.
Wanna be a singer for it? e-mail me!
- On the line at the end of the first act, "Le Grinch threw back his head..." there is a rather bad "cut". This is because in the first take, Le Grinch threw back his head, all right: he threw it back so hard that his hair came off. Oops.
- Le Grinch's hair fell off again during the bit where he rushes into College House with a vaccuum cleaner. That's why he is always seen with one hand on his head whenever he is running.
- The "smoke" that Craig breathed into Le Grinch's face was actually a mouthful of icing sugar. If you look in the background behind Le Grinch when he sinks to his knees, you can see a smear of white icing sugar lying on the concrete.
- There are no other mistakes. If you find any I will steal your ENSOC and never give it back!
- The VC's office secretaries for having a great sense of humour. They kindly let us shoot a few seconds' worth of Andrew, wearing the mask, looking out from the VC's office in the registry. Luckily we didn't tell them what the film was actually about until they'd agreed. Hehehe!
- Susannah & Feona, who turned up on Saturday morning to shoot the crowd scene, only to find that they were the entire crowd. Thus, that scene was postponed and their acting skills were instead used to make some "Whacky Ads" for another TMST film called "Jedi Springer"... it will be posted on this website soon.
- The guy who drove past the Canterbury Draught Brewery in a V-dub late at night when we were shooting a bit of footage of Andrew, who was wearing the Daryl mask and waving a vaccuum-cleaner around. (This guy couldn't believe his eyes. He just stopped at the lights and his head swivelled around almost 180 degrees in order to get a good look at the oddity that was standing there.) Whoever you are, Mr V-Dub guy, you are really COOL for not calling the cops on us. Who knows where the story might have gone had Le Grinch really got caught by the police!
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