< back to 20th-Century Flashbacks
Below are excerpts from thistrife.com/sluggy/tmstmar04.htm (mixed-up filename).
So what else is new? Utterly nothing, because I've been on Easter holiday. Muahah!
So what is old? Ahhh, NOW you're in for a treat.
Some of my attempts a storytelling are old.
I wasn't "gifted" with the ability to entertain people through cartoonish stories about suicidal rodents and tapdancing gods. No, I had to learn how to do that. And recently, I discovered some old books of mine from primary school. Books filled with my own "process writing" - an interesting look into how the themes of my stories have changed since seventeen years ago... Or in some cases, a disturbing glimpse of how little I have changed since then.
So for this week, I will be presenting some of the best (and worst) fiction of Andrew Kepple, age 7.
(Spelling will remain uncorrected, for authenticity, amusement, and to prove that if a seven-year-old knows better than to use apostrophes to denote plurals then SO SHOULD YOU.)
Today, two charming tales of magical creatures and happy endings.
February 20, 1987:
Once there was a grasshopper who ate people. One day he met a little boy called: Tim, he jumped out and ate Tim and went back into the grass. One day he met a wood-cutter. The wood-cutter swun his axe but he missed the grasshopper so the grasshopper ate him. the next day, he met 10 wood-cutters so the grasshopper ate them. the next day, he burst!!
April 11, 1987:
Once there was a witch that liked to eat little boys and girls. One day, as she went out, she saw a little girl so she gobbled her up. But while she was eating little girls and boys, a big boy took some of her magic spells and and got home, very quickly! then he threw it out the window and it turnd into $50! so he turnd a one cent into a rock and he went out to finde the witch. He found her just about to eat another little boy when he threw the rock at her and she got killd.
March 30, 1987:
One-day, a bugy-man went for a walk. When he was walking, he saw me and the bugy ternd me into a bugy, too. we went to the Bugy-raceing-cars. We had a rce, and I won. I got a bogy-hen, a bugy-cow, and a bugy ice-block. then I got "eatin" by a bugy monster.
Tune in tomorrow for the next wonderful piece of prose that may some day be used to my advantage in a court of law (insanity loopholes).
April 7, 1987:
Once there was a gofongo that liked to eat little girls and boys. One-day he met a fish swiming in the sea. he took a deep breath and jumped into the water. For a minute he
he was all right but he browned.
Closely followed by...
June 20th, 1987:
Once there lived a big fat skelleton. When he caught them he ate them and made them into skelletons too. He
This story was never completed. The final word "He" was just erased slightly and that is where it all ended.
We have the technology to complete this story. At last, mankind may know just how the story of the "skelleton" concludes. Utilising the latest, advancedest, state-of-the-art-est technology in artificial intelligence, we have built a supercomputer that has been studying the writing style of the Andrew Kepple as it was in 1987, and after many, many hours of processing time, it has finally produced the following story:
Once there lived a big fat skelleton. When he caught them he ate them and made them into skelletons too. He chased some boys and girls and ate them. Then he saw a woodcutter and he threw a magical grasshopper at him. He turned into a bugy and the skelleton ate him and turnd him into a bugy-skelleton. But the bugy turnd the skelleton into a skelleton-bugy! Then I ate a bugy ice-block and I burst all over the skelleton, who dide! The bugy also got killd.
Er... tune in tomorrow, kids! We've got an even better story next time - and it's the earliest recorded evidence of my tendency to dream of world domination! Guess how it ends. Yes, you guessed right.
And it's a pity that Pinky & The Brain had to rip off my idea and not pay me any royalties, but oh well. It's a harsh, cruel, uncaring world.^_^