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31/10/01: Welcome Back / Homicidal Halloween, everybody!
Thanks for coming back, those of you who have returned! This fourth series of GCW promises to be an action-packed, never-ending story (so to speak) with more mayhem, more madness and much more Martians! And an actual plotline!
But now, let us pause for a sombre moment, as we recount how Little Web Cartooning Dude tried to escape from evil and failed.
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a cartoonist called Little Web Cartooning Dude. He would provide online audiences with hours of cartoonish fun, with his
online comic, "Goodbye Cruel World!" He had fun drawing it, and people had fun reading it.
But I don't want to end on such a sober note, (oops I mean sombre note -- that's somber for the Americans), so here's me, merrily wishing you all a Homicidal Halloween! [-:
But all was not well in this faraway land, for Little Web Cartooning Dude was held prisoner
by a great evil, the evil King Geocities. King Geocities kept people like Little Web Cartooning Dude locked up in his dungeon, where they were forced to go about their business in a slow, tiny, 50 meg space,
which was already crowded with overlapping Geo-ads and PG-rated pop-up windows. But Little Web Cartooning Dude persisted in his work, determined not to let the evil King Geocities compromise his creations too much.
One day, when a bunch of pop-up windows had crashed Little Web Cartooning Dude's browser, he decided that enough was too much. It was time to escape from King Geocities' dungeon. And so, while the evil king was fast asleep or stoned or something,
Little Web Cartooning Dude sneaked out through the tiny air vent. Carrying just his essentials in a bag, he scampered away, free at last! And so he set about finding a new place to set up his web comic in.
By and by, Little Web Cartooning Dude came to a cottage called Netomia.com, which offered more space and less ads than Geocities Dungeon, so he set up immediately. All was going swimmingly, until along came the Big Bad 404 Error!
"Little Web Cartooning Dude, let me come in!" roared the Big Bad 404 Error.
"Not by the hair on my chiny-chin-chin," responded Little Web Cartooning Dude, wondering how anyone could possibly get in by the hair on somebody's chin, anyway.
"Too *@#$ bad, mate," roared the Big Bad 404 Error, and destroyed Netomia cottage.
Poor Little Web Cartooning Dude! It was the the 30th of October, the day before his triumphant return to the world of web-comics! He had to find a new place to live before nightfall. And so he packed up his stuff and wandered down the road.
By and by, Little Web Cartooning Dude came to the grand city of FortuneCity.net, which offered 100 megabytes of free space and less ads than Geocities Dungeon. So Little Web Cartooning Dude set up his website immediately and all was well.
Until a great misfortune fell upon FortuneCity.com: it was the Big Bad 404 Error! "Little Web Cartooning Dude, let me come in..." he roared, and then barged right in. Little Web Cartooning Dude scuttled away, in search of another webspace provider.
Eventually, Little Web Cartooning Dude came to a house called 9CY.com, who offered 1 gigabyte of free space and no ads! Little Web Cartooning Dude raced right in, and found that although there were actually pop-up ads, there was no threat of the Big Bad 404 Error! So he set up his web-comic.
But then, there was a terrible Debug/Terminate earthquake! Little Web Cartooning Dude's browser crashed down around him and was left in ruins. And so Little Web Cartooning Dude collected his belongings and marched off down the road.
Presently, Little Web Cartooning Dude came to the fabled village of Liquid2k.net, where, it was said, webspace was free by the megabytes, and loading files was as fast as a speeding racehorse. So Little Web Cartooning Dude set up residence there...
Until, during an upload, one of his files got corrupted and the homepage could not be edited. With a crash, the IP address of Liquid2K.net flew off, never to be seen by Little Web Cartooning Dude ever again.
Little Web Cartooning Dude sadly packed up the few remnants of his website. He knew that although the dungeon of the evil King Geocities was dark and horrible and full of ads, he could not survive in the world beyond. And so he trudged grimly back home and knocked on the dungeon door. The guards, seeing who it was,
grabbed Little Web Cartooning Dude by the eyebrows and threw him in the dungeon, and then chained him to the wall by his nose. And he still remains here today, hoping that some day a magical thing will tell him of a better webspace provider.
(Dee-do-do-dee-do-do, dee-do-dee-do, dee-do-do-dee-do-do etc. It's the "Halloween" theme, dammit!)